After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
