My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
