nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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