seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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