Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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