Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
