Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
