frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
