about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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