He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
