Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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