Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
