Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize