Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
