Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
