She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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