I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
