I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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