just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
