I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
