watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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