five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
