even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
