My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
