just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
