She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
