i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
