im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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