one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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