Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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