I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
