I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
