I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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