she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
