ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
