It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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