Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
