only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
