Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
