last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
