based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
