Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
