Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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