i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
