seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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