So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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