her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
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Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize