dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
