You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
