Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
