Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
