If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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