yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
