After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
