dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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