i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
