I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
bring money and cleavage
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
