you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
