Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
