Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
