I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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