I hate all girls vehemently.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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