Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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