Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
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I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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