My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
