sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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