I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
